Jewish Joke of the Week: Dog For Sale
A man sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale. $10.”
He thinks, “No way,” so he knocks on the door.
The owner says, “Dog’s in the backyard.”
The man goes out back.
“Can you really talk?” he asks.
“Of course,” says the dog.
Rav Moshe Feinstein, the supreme halachic decider of the previous generation asks why the parsha of Tzitzis begins on a different note then most of the mitzvos presented in the Torah. Usually, the introduction of a mitzvah is with the words “And Hashem spoke” whereas when Moshe relays the mitzvah of tzitzis the introductory phrase is “And Hashem said” a considerably more softer tone.
This week’s joke comes courtesy of the fabulous Sal Litvak, whom we recently had the pleasure of hosting for Shabbat. Many of you know Sal as “The Accidental Talmudist,” where he shares wisdom, inspiration, and plenty of great Jewish humor.
Here’s a fun one from Sal: The Secret To Long Life
An 80 year old man goes in for a checkup.
The doctor says, “I’m amazed. How do you keep in such great shape?”
Guy says, “I’m a Jewish golfer. I get up before dawn, I pray, I play 18 holes, I have my schnapps. All is well.”
Some moments are too meaningful to photograph. Thankfully, they aren’t too meaningful to remember.
What a beautiful evening of great food, meaningful conversation, and inspiring Torah.
When the people were offering the Pesach sacrifice there were those that were defiled after having been in contact with corpses. They came to Moshe and exclaimed that they wanted desperately to bring the Pesach offering but were unable to due to their circumstances. Moshe did not respond to them rather he just waited for Hashem to transmit the halacha in this situation.
Bernie had a complaint for everyone.
“My back hurts.” “My knees hurt.” “I can’t sleep.”
“The doctor doesn’t know what’s wrong.”
After months of listening to this, his wife finally dragged him to a specialist.
The specialist ordered every test imaginable.
The Mishkan was a highly celebrated event in the nation. It was the culmination of months of hard work after a very successful fundraising campaign that covered all the expenses necessary for its construction. The Torah compares its completion as that of a bride, a kallah, entering into the chupah, the wedding canopy, with her bridegroom, the choson.
Moshe sits down in his psychiatrist’s office looking exhausted.
“Doctor,” he says, “I had the strangest dream last night. I was talking to my mother, and everything seemed normal… until I suddenly realized she had your face.”
The psychiatrist leans forward. “My face?”
The Talmud states that we read the parsha of Bechukosai before Shavuos in order that the curses and downfalls of the year end before the New Year. Although we don’t view Shavuos as a Rosh Hashanah however, we are judged pertaining to the produce that will be forthcoming at this time of the year.
Jewish Joke of the Week: The Hat On a very windy day, a rabbi’s hat blew right off his head and went tumbling down the street.A young man saw what…