There are two kinds of people at a Seder: the ones who come for the meaning… and the ones who come prepared with terrible jokes.
This year, we’re embracing both.
Scroll on. Bring these to your Seder.
Just don’t blame us when the eye rolls start.
What did one Seder plate say to the other? “Dinner is on me!”
A Jewish man is being knighted by the Queen of England. It’s a huge honor, and he’s carefully briefed on the ceremony. When he kneels before the Queen, he’s supposed to recite a short phrase in Latin to complete the knighting.
So he practices. And practices. Weeks of practice. Latin flashcards. Saying it in the mirror. Saying it in the car. By the time the ceremony arrives, he’s sure he has it down perfectly.
Jewish Joke of the Week: Stranded
Moishe, Samuel, and Harry are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. With no cell service and the nearest town miles away, they decide they’ll have to walk.
Each one takes something from the car for the journey.
Freda and Moshe Levy win $8 million in the lottery. Overnight, life changes. They buy a huge mansion and, naturally, hire a butler.
One day they tell him, “We’re inviting the Cohens for dinner tonight. Please set the table for four. We’ll be out all day.”
Jewish Joke of the Week: The Cinema Critic A man walks into a movie theater… followed by an elephant. The ticket clerk blinks. “Sir. You cannot bring an elephant into the theater.” “He’s very well behaved,” the man insists. “He loves movies.” The manager comes out. “Absolutely not.” “Please,” the man says. “He’ll sit quietly.…
A Jewish grandmother calls her grandson to make sure he knows how to find her new apartment. She does not trust GPS. GPS never raised a child, never hosted a Passover, never once remembered who likes the end piece of the kugel.
“Listen carefully,” she says. “You come to the building on Elm Street. Not Oak, that’s where the dentist is and he still owes me a phone call from 1997. Elm. There’s a glass door in the front.”
A man adopts a new dog. Not just any dog. A very Jewish dog.
He names him Einstein and proudly tells everyone how smart he is. After a few weeks of training, he finally invites a neighbor over to witness Einstein’s brilliance.
“Einstein!” he calls. The dog trots in, alert, tail wagging, eyes shining
Irving, an older man, is sitting outside a small roadside bed and breakfast when he sees a pickup truck rumbling down the dirt road.
“Good afternoon,” Irving says.
“Afternoon,” replies the driver.
“Passing through?” Irving asks.
A woman calls the hospital switchboard and asks, “Hello, I was wondering if you could tell me how Mrs. Kaplan in room 317 is doing.”