Two old friends, Isaac and Shmuel, are sitting across from each other in a cramped train compartment on the long ride from New York to Chicago. For the first hour, neither says a word. The second hour passes. Still, silence. By the third hour, Shmuel finally looks out the window,…
Jewish Joke of the Week: Cholent Wisdom A young bride decides to make her very first cholent for her new husband. Wanting to get it just right, she calls her mother for the family recipe. Her mother says, “It’s easy. Potatoes, meat, beans, barley, spices… and right before you put…
Today’s Jewish Joke of the Day comes again from our friend Sal Litvak, The Accidental Talmudist; Lost in the Mall: Max and Ruthie go to the biggest mall in America. After shopping all day, Ruthie realizes she’s lost track of her husband. She searches all over but can’t find him…
Jewish Joke of the Week: The Symphony Years ago, a symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. If you’ve ever heard it, you may know there’s a long stretch where the bass players don’t have a single note to play. They simply sit there for nearly twenty minutes.
A man finally gave in and bought one of those fancy smart refrigerators. The salesman promised, “It tracks your groceries, reminds you when you’re low on food, and helps organize your shopping.” A week later, his phone buzzed. Your refrigerator has a message. “You’re out of milk.”
Jewish Joke of the Week: Dog For Sale A man sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale. $10.” He thinks, “No way,” so he knocks on the door. The owner says, “Dog’s in the backyard.” The man goes out back. “Can you really talk?” he…
This week’s joke comes courtesy of the fabulous Sal Litvak, whom we recently had the pleasure of hosting for Shabbat. Many of you know Sal as “The Accidental Talmudist,” where he shares wisdom, inspiration, and plenty of great Jewish humor. Here’s a fun one from Sal: The Secret To Long…
Bernie had a complaint for everyone. “My back hurts.” “My knees hurt.” “I can’t sleep.” “The doctor doesn’t know what’s wrong.” After months of listening to this, his wife finally dragged him to a specialist. The specialist ordered every test imaginable.
Moshe sits down in his psychiatrist’s office looking exhausted. “Doctor,” he says, “I had the strangest dream last night. I was talking to my mother, and everything seemed normal… until I suddenly realized she had your face.” The psychiatrist leans forward. “My face?”
Jewish Joke of the Week: The Hat On a very windy day, a rabbi’s hat blew right off his head and went tumbling down the street.A young man saw what happened, chased it down, and returned it.The rabbi was so grateful, he handed him $20 and gave him a blessing.…
Murray Feldman, a retired accountant from Cherry Creek who still insists on wearing a tie to the grocery store, is crossing the street when a car clips him and sends him sprawling onto the pavement. Within seconds, there’s a whole sidewalk minyan gathered around him. One woman is yelling, “Call…
Daniel flags down a cab late at night after a long day. He slides into the back seat, gives an address across town, and the driver, a guy named Mike, nods and pulls away. For the first few minutes, everything is smooth. Quiet streets, steady driving, soft music on the…
Moishe and Miriam sat down for dinner after a long day. Miriam brought out a beautiful brisket, sliced it carefully, and placed two pieces on the serving platter, one noticeably larger than the other. Moishe reached over, as he always did, and took the larger piece. Miriam raised an eyebrow.“Moishe……
An aerospace company is building a next-generation fighter jet… and every single test ends the same way: the wings snap clean off mid-flight. They try everything. Stronger alloys. New structural designs. Reinforcements. Nothing works. The chief engineer, running on fumes and coffee, goes to his rabbi. “Rabbi, I’m out of…
There are two kinds of people at a Seder: the ones who come for the meaning… and the ones who come prepared with terrible jokes. This year, we’re embracing both. Scroll on. Bring these to your Seder. Just don’t blame us when the eye rolls start. What did one Seder…
A Jewish man is being knighted by the Queen of England. It’s a huge honor, and he’s carefully briefed on the ceremony. When he kneels before the Queen, he’s supposed to recite a short phrase in Latin to complete the knighting. So he practices. And practices. Weeks of practice. Latin…
Jewish Joke of the Week: Stranded Moishe, Samuel, and Harry are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. With no cell service and the nearest town miles away, they decide they’ll have to walk. Each one takes something from the car for the journey.
Freda and Moshe Levy win $8 million in the lottery. Overnight, life changes. They buy a huge mansion and, naturally, hire a butler. One day they tell him, “We’re inviting the Cohens for dinner tonight. Please set the table for four. We’ll be out all day.”
Jewish Joke of the Week: The Cinema Critic A man walks into a movie theater… followed by an elephant. The ticket clerk blinks. “Sir. You cannot bring an elephant into the theater.” “He’s very well behaved,” the man insists. “He loves movies.” The manager comes out. “Absolutely not.” “Please,” the…
A Jewish grandmother calls her grandson to make sure he knows how to find her new apartment. She does not trust GPS. GPS never raised a child, never hosted a Passover, never once remembered who likes the end piece of the kugel. “Listen carefully,” she says. “You come to the…
